


Oh, Matt

by GrotesqueEnchantment



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Kylo Ren, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo becomes awkward when he becomes Matt, Supreme Dork, i'll think of more tags eventually, reydar - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 08:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13406916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrotesqueEnchantment/pseuds/GrotesqueEnchantment
Summary: Prompt: Kylo uses his Matt disguise to sneak out to see Rey but he never told her that he’d be wearing a wigHappy Reydar Day!





	Oh, Matt

“Really I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Rey says while staring across the room at him. She has her arms crossed over her chest, an unimpressed expression gracing her features. Stars she’s beautiful even like this. Kylo shakes his head, trying to stay focused on what he’s proposed to her.

“We can see each other though, talk over what’s been going on.” He strides over to her, rubs his hands over the bend of her shoulders. “I’ve missed you.” It’s a whisper between them. Her eyes soften for a moment, ready to tell him to come to her as soon as he can. He can tell she wants to kiss him but holds herself back. Her expression steels again and she pulls back away from his hands.

She doesn’t look at him when she speaks next. “I’ve missed you too but we can’t do this.” She sighs, brings her eyes to him again. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her eyes are filled with sadness. She’s so alone even now, even with her friends. “We’ve talked about this.” Her voice is quiet and small. He hates it more than anything. She should be happy and loud, laughing and smiling.

His lips purse against them before his tongue darts out to lick his lips. His fists clench at his side, desperately trying not to touch her. He knows that they’ve talked about this. It’s caused him enough agony as is. They want each other, _need_ each other, and yet they can’t be together.

“I know.”

Oh, but he’s still going to do something stupid anyway.

***

He’s known about the newest Resistance base for some time. Their desperation caused them to become sloppy and he managed to find groups willing to respond to the Resistance call. With a little bit of…persuasion, members within the group told him soon enough. He, of course, didn’t tell Hux. Hux would just wish to obliterate the planet from space, not give the people within the base a fair fight.

Rey was on the planet too, which was a cause for pause. He didn’t want to hurt her, not really. Ever since his ascension to Supreme Leader, the Force had connected them often. They cried their tears, said their apologies, and made peace with what happened. Now, they both didn’t deny what was between them. They just didn’t know how to be together due to their opposing sides and political differences. For now, they would remain alone and take solace in their connection

Well, that was until Kylo stole away on a transport vessel for a Resistance friendly planet wearing a disguise. He had a mess of a wig on his head, blond and unkept. He thought that this would be enough of a disguise until Hux came into his quarters and didn’t even bat an eye. He stole glasses from an officer on the ship, hoping they’d distort his identity even more. He also used a variety of makeups to cover the blatant scar across his face and neck. It was shoddily done, he recognizes that, but it is _done_ regardless.

When he reaches the surface of the Resistance friendly planet, the second phase of his disguise goes into effect. He feels a little bad when he knocks a random mechanic out and steals his clothes. The man was almost as tall as he, so the clothes fit right in that way. The man, however, was much bigger in the gut so the clothes are baggy in weird places. They’ll do for now, of course. He just has to play a role until he can get to the Resistance base.

Which is a lot easier than what he expected. He figured the base would be under tight wraps, impenetrable from unknown outside sources. What he didn’t expect was a fidgety looking man in a bar at the planet who offered to ‘compensate’ him for his ‘service’ if he could help out a group of his ‘battered friends’. Kylo accepted the offer, acting like the dumb fool who didn’t know he’d be helping the Resistance.

Which is how he managed to get onto a transport leading to the Resistance hidden base within a day and a half. He’s nervous, of course. He and Rey haven’t met in person since that horrible day. He wonders if she’ll be happy to see him. He tries to stop the shaking of his hands by balling them into fists in his lap.

 _Of course,_ she’ll be happy to see him. She told him herself that she _missed_ him. Maybe she’ll even be happy enough to take her hand in his again. Maybe even pull him into an embrace. She hugs a lot of people, maybe she’d be willing to give him one finally.

When they reach the base, he realizes his hands have finally stopped shaking.

The base is, unsurprisingly, in utter chaos. He’s surprised to see the number of members has increased. He figured the Resistance would still be floundering for new members. It’s not the first time he’s reminded of the cruelty of First Order rule nor the first time he’s reminded of the desperation of survival. Rey had told him of her time on Jakku, dying a little every day on a waste of a planet that sided neither with the Resistance or the First Order. He wonders how many people from Jakku resorted to joining an organization they cared little for just to get away from the brutality of indifference.

It doesn’t really matter, he reminds himself. One day he and Rey will rule the galaxy together, bring about a new golden age of peace. It doesn’t matter how they achieve it, only that she is there with him. No one will suffer under him and her. They will usher in a new galactic order unseen before.

He’s in the middle of imagining Rey in elegant black gowns that drape over her curves when someone snaps their fingers in his face. Kylo snaps back into attention and is greeted by a smile plastered across the mans face. He pulls his hand away from Kylo’s space before motioning to the hangar they are in.

“Impressive isn’t it?” The man says, face beaming with pride. “One of the bigger bases we’ve relocated to. Not often we get to see a beauty like this.” Kylo feels like he should nod in agreement, so he does. The man pats Kylo on his shoulder, unaware of the glare Kylo shoots at him.

“Let’s get you to your station...?” The man trails off, waits for Kylo to say something. He panics internally. _He hadn’t thought of a name_. How stupid! His eyes scan around the hangar, looking for anything he could name himself. He sees two people airing out a rug, or what he thinks is a rug.

“Matt, radar technician.” His voice shows no emotion, monotone and boring. The guy purses his lips and nods. His friendly demeanor has almost disappeared within seconds and Kylo wonders what he’s done. The man motions for Kylo to follow him with a wave of his hand.

“Yeah, well, this way Matt.”

***

He’s been staring at the wiring he’s been attempting to fix for over and hour. Out of everything he was ever taught, he can’t figure out what the hell is wrong. He’s tried expanding the wire with other wiring, connecting different wires together, and, finally, ripping the entire circuitry from the wall. So, he does know what’s wrong with it now and he has to deal with the mess. Great.

He’s about to rip out the new work he’s done when a familiar presence overcomes the room. The air in his lungs leaves rapidly as he spins. His eyes scan the room, looking for her. She’s on the far side of the room and she is _brilliant_.

She’s beaming up at FN-2187, or Finn as she calls him. He’s talking rapidly to her, arms moving around him as he goes into more detail. She laughs at something he says, eyes crinkling and hands coming up to clutch her stomach. She is _extravagant_. Before he realizes, his feet are moving on their own accord toward the two friends.

Finn notices Kylo first, stopping his story to stare at the intruder. He’s glad that it doesn’t seem like Finn recognizes him, it means his disguise is working better than he intended. He stops in his track when Rey turns around to see what Finn is looking at. His hands dangle awkwardly at his sides as every thought of greeting vacates his mind.

She’s smiling at him. _Him_. He could cry just looking at her. He hasn’t seen her smile like this for some time, he could jump he’s so happy that she’s happy to see him. He can’t wait for her to say his name, to hear it come from her lips once more.

“Hello,” She’s addressing him and he can’t wait to hear his name fall from her lips. “Are you new here?” He nods slowly, his lips pursing due to his excitement. His face is fighting the smile that wants to burst out across his features. He needs to hear her say his name first, then he can smile. Yes.

“Welcome to our little home then.” She begins and sticks her hand out towards him. “I’m Rey and you are?”

Any and all thoughts of happiness shatter at her question. She… she doesn’t recognize him? There was no way his disguise was _that_ good. No, he wanted it to be good enough to fool the common Resistance fighter; not good enough to fool _his_ Rey. He swallows thickly around the sadness in his throat. His hands clench at his side, trying desperately to keep his sorrow under control.

The smiles towards him weren’t _for_ him then. No, they were for someone Rey believes to be new. Oh, she’s so kind, so open to meeting people. He wishes that her smiles could be just for him, not for some awkward nobody like Matt.

Her smile begins to falter the longer that Kylo doesn’t say or do anything. She can read his emotions and he wonders if she is curious as to his reaction to their meeting. Maybe she’ll equate his reaction to ‘Matt’ just being an awkward guy. It doesn’t matter, he has to do something to bring that smile back to full on her lips.

He doesn’t move to take her hand, too afraid that touching her will give away who he really is. He looks between her hand and to her face. Her eye brow raises in question, her eyes moving between his face and her hand. She’s trying to signal him to take her hand but he won’t.

“I’m Matt.” He says, ignores the way Finn is looking at him now. “Radar technician.” Rey’s hand falls dejectedly back down to her side. Rey bites her lower lip, trying to think of another thing to say to the awkward man. He wishes that he could be biting her lower lip.

He remembers himself, embarrassed by the thought. He can feel his shoulders shrink because of his, can feel his cheeks and ears heat up. She looks up at him, a bit confused by his new behavior. She’s about to say something when Finn grabs her upper arm, starting to pull her away.

“It was nice meeting you.” Finn says curtly and not actually making it seem like it _was_ nice to meet him. Rey smiles sheepishly at Kylo before allowing herself to be pulled away by her friend. She can hear Finn whisper shout about ‘that weird guy’ before they both exit the room.

Rey’s eyes meet him once more as if to apologize.

***

After the hangar incident, Kylo doesn’t see Rey for three days. By the end of the second day, he’s contemplating just leaving and returning back to his flagship. What was he even doing here? Chasing down a woman who rejected him in the first place, who told him not to come.

But _kriff_ just seeing her was enough. He can’t leave without seeing her at least once more. Yes, he just needs to see her and then he’ll be satisfied. It was foolish to believe he could hold her hand again or even be graced with a hug from her. It was foolish and he is a fool.

He’s at the same panel again as the first day. Unsurprisingly, it started acting up again. He hadn’t really fixed it the first day, after all. He managed a shotty job at getting it to work again before calling it quits that first day. He had been too upset after his interaction with Rey to really care if the thing would keep working.

He’s about to rip the damn panel from the wall when he feels a presence behind him. He’s about to shout at the person for interrupting him because really this time he had it under control. Any anger and irritation present leaves him immediately when he sees Rey standing before him.

She’s wearing a plain Grey vest with a white undershirt and grey armbands. Her trousers are the same color as her vest, which is amazing to him. Who knew the Resistance could afford time and effort to ensure their number one Jedi had matching clothes. Her hair is down similar to that fateful night. The style pulls attention to her angelic face and that smile.

She’s smiling at Matt _again_ and _stars_ he could get used to seeing a smile like that every day. Maybe she’d smile like that at him after he’s done kissing her silly. Maybe she’d smile like that at him when he slowly makes his way down her body and…

He stops the thought immediately and feels his neck, cheeks, and ears begin to heat up. Kriff, he can’t think like that in public much less right in front of his object of affection. Strangely enough, his weird behavior makes her beam even brighter at him.

“I’m sorry for the way my friend acted towards you the other day.” She begins. “It wasn’t right of him to blow you off like that. We were all new like you once.”

He doesn’t know what it is about his disguise that makes his tongue lodge itself firmly in his throat. He’s a nervous wreck around her now, even though he shouldn’t be. She eyes fill with confusion when he doesn’t respond to her. Yet she waits for him to speak.

“I-It’s alright.” He croaks. She blinks rapidly at him, her eye brows furrow together. “Are you okay?” He asks, not liking the expression she’s wearing. She’s extremely confused and taken aback for some reason. She shakes her head once he asks and the smile returns to her lips.

“Yeah, you just sounded like someone I know.” Her smile falters and sorrow fitters across his eyes. As quickly as it happens, it is gone and she’s all happiness towards him again. “Weird how someone’s voice can sound so much like someone you care about isn’t it?”

He swallows around the nerves and happiness clogging his throat. More than anything he hopes she’s talking about caring about Kylo Ren. Would it be so wrong to hope? Kylo has just as deep of a voice as Matt. It has to be him, right?

“Yeah,” He croaks again. “It is weird.” The conversation lapses into a comfortable silence and Rey just keeps staring up at him with that wide smile on her face. He wonders if she’s like this with every new guy or if she can unconsciously tell that it’s him, Kylo Ren. She hopes it’s the latter and not the former.

He has to stop staring at her or he’s going to confess everything like an idiot just to get her to touch him. He clears his throat, looks back towards the panel, and motions to it with his hand. Her eyebrows perk up, looking towards the panel before moving towards it. Her fingers run along the demolished wiring.

“What happened?” She’s looking between him and the panel. He itches the back of his head, careful not to misplace the wig. He shrugs his shoulders, doing his best to not make eye contact with her.

“Found it like that.” He mumbles under his breath. She laughs to herself, shaking her head as she moves away from the panel. “Someone must really be good at breaking things.” He says louder. She sucks her lower lip between her teeth while examining the destroyed wiring. She brings her hand to her chin, rubbing it.

“Yeah, very good indeed.” She looks back at him, mirth filling her eyes. He didn’t know he could get any hotter but he swears his cheeks must be the color of Mustafar now. She motions for his tools. “Don’t worry, my newbie, we can fix this in no time.” He hands her the tools and she instantly digs through them. “Do you know the differences between each tool?” She asks him.

“Of course.” He says indignantly. Rey doesn’t look at him but her lips quirk upwards. She doesn’t believe him. Why would she? He hasn’t quite proven that he’s a competent technician quite yet.

“Of course.” She mimics before bringing a tool up to the wires. He recognizes it but couldn’t, for the life of him, remember the name of it. She gives Kylo the tool once she’s done using it, motions for another. Panic flitters through him briefly before he gives her a random tool he thinks is right.

“No, no, the other one.” She chastises before putting the tool back into Kylo’s hand. He picks another tool at random and passes it to her. “Yes, that’s right.” She turns back towards the panel and fixes up the rest of the wiring. “You’ll be a pro at this in no time.”

His lips crack at the compliment. He wants to beam at her, thank her for her praise, but manages to remain unaffected outwardly by her praise. On the inside, he’s dying just to hear her give him more.

She passes back the tool and her fingers brush against the palm of his hand. Electricity shoots up his spine, leaving behind a pool of contentment in it’s path. All her anxieties and worries melt out of him at the little bit of contact. From the way Rey is looking at him, he thinks she must’ve felt something similar.

Her mouth is open in a small ‘o’ shape, eyes full of wonderment. He hasn’t felt something as good since the hut. He can’t help but wonder if it’s the same for her. Instinctually, his hand moves to envelope hers completely. The instinct is hard to fight but he gets it under control right as he’s about to grasp her hand. He awkwardly brings it up to run through his hair, trying to make it seem as though that’s what he intended in the first place.

Her cheeks heat up to a beautiful shade of pink at the realization. She quickly takes her hand away from him, runs it through her own hair and giggles nervously. She takes a step away from him and the feeling of loss is immediate. He hadn’t realized how close they had gotten while with each other and he wants to bring her back into his space.

It fills him with joy to know she is inextricably drawn to him no matter the shape he takes. For the first time since he first had seen her on the base, he wants to tell her who he really is. Hopes she’ll take him back to her quarters and cuddle him for a long time. He’s about to tell her when she interrupts him.

“I-I gotta go! It was nice seeing you again, Matt.”

Before he can tell her the truth, she’s rushing towards the hangar doors. She’s out of his presence just as quickly as she had entered it. His feet start to move towards the doors by themselves, ready to give chase to his beautiful girl. He stops himself before he can get to far though.

He can’t give chase to her. He isn’t Kylo Ren right now. No, he’s Matt and she’s probably conflicted about her feelings towards him. He knows she felt the spark pass between them, knows that she’s confused. What could such a spark mean with some nobody who is a bad radar technician? He knows she’s only ever felt that spark with Kylo Ren. What would happen if she decided that Matt was a good enough substitute for Kylo?

The fear and panic spike through him. _What if Matt was a good enough substitute for Kylo?_ Matt would be perfect for her. Matt isn’t the Supreme Leader of the First Order, is on the Resistance side, and is just some nobody with no significance. He would be a perfect match if Rey wanted to live a common life. If she wanted to truly ignore her destiny by his side.

He has to tell her. He can’t let this little charade go on for another minute. He doesn’t see her for another three days however.

***

He’s resolved to leave the base, _again_ , when he hasn’t seen her in another three days. He doesn’t know what it is with Rey and three but he’s pleasantly surprised when she approaches him in the hallway. She’s wringing her hands together nervously. She doesn’t look up at him when she talks.

“Matt,” She starts, voice barely above a whisper. “We need to talk.” His heart is pounding against his rib cage. He nods, swallowing against the fear in his throat. “Would you follow me?” This time she does look at him and her eyes are filled with trepidation. He nods again and she turns around.

It’s only when they enter the barracks hallway that he realizes she is taking him to her room. _Kriff, Kriff, Kriff_ , how is he going to keep his cool now? They stop in front of a plain door and Rey types her personal code in. The door slides open and Rey motions for him to go in first.

His beautiful, amazing, Rey has the room filled to the brim with plants. The smell is overwhelming and pleasant all at once. He tries to memorize every detail about her room, from each type of plant to the way her bed is arranged. He doesn’t know the next time he’ll be able to see something so intimately _her_ ever again. He hears her clear her throat and he turns back around to look at her.

“Is there something you’re hiding?” She asks, eyes like steel but her brows betray her true nerves. He swallows, wants to wrap her in his embrace and kiss the nerves away. He fights against the instinct to do so and attempts to look confused by her question. She sighs, brings her hands up to her temple to rub at it.

“It’s just that… when we touched…” She attempts to explain but huffs when she doesn’t know the words. She stomps over to him, brings her hand to tangle with his.  Her fingers intertwine with his, meeting in an even more intimate way than the first time they touched hands.

They both gasp at the feeling. Electricity shoots from their entwined hands all throughout his body. Everything feels like it’s on fire and cold simultaneously. The want to pull her to him is overwhelming so he does.

Her small frame against him feels so incredibly _right_ that he doesn’t stop himself when he tips her head up and captures her lips with his own. She groans against him immediately, running her tongue along the seam of his lips. He opens his lips slightly to let her in, this time being the one to groan when her tongue meets his. She washes over him completely, enveloping him in her light.

He feels like he’s on fire anywhere that Rey touches. She runs her hands along his arms, up his shoulders, and into his hair. He ignores the soft thump that comes from somewhere in the corner of the room. Nothing could be better than feeling Rey against him, running her hand along his neck, running her hand through his-

He pushes away from her with a gasp. His hands fly up to his head, feeling the natural texture of his hair. He looks panicked back towards Rey, who smiles coyly up at him. She saunters back into his space, brings her hands up to his glasses and removes them.

“How…” He breaths out, aroused and confused at the same time. She giggles, pushing her frame against him again. He wraps his arms around her waist instinctually. Her head falls against his chest and she breathes in deeply. When she looks up at him again, her eyes are full of mirth and mischief.

“Oh, Ben, did you think I wouldn’t know it was you?”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something for Reydar day so bad and then I got a lovely prompt by invisibleclockworks on tumblr and I had to write it! I apologize for mistakes and such. I haven't re-read it but I really wanted to post this before Reydar day was over. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Come chat with me on tumblr!](http://helpilikereylo.tumblr.com/)


End file.
